Moving my Identity

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were little? I’m not sure I would have said “Army wife,” but that is what I have become.

I have learned over time that as you grow older, especially as a woman who becomes a wife and/or mother, you tend to lose your identity to whatever you do on a daily basis.

I’m learning more and more that this position and new life I’ve obtained means sacrificing who I was and becoming something new. As I looked at the boxes and piles of stuff, I realized that my identity has changed completely in the past couple months.

I struggle right now in the “in between.” I am living with my parents, out of bags, boxes, and piles, with no job, no idea when I will be going to Germany, although it could be just a few days or it could be a week or two.

The scariest part of becoming a mom and then most recently a wife was losing a part of myself. When you’re a wife and mom, you invest in someone else. You’re “________’s mom” or “_________’s wife.” I’m learning while being in this position how I cling to the parts of me that were me before I had these two people in my life. Oh, how I love my people. In the midst of trying to decide whether a mermaid tail blanket was a necessity for my daughter, I asked myself “What has my life become? What have I become?”

Then a beautiful thought hit me.

My stuff does not define me. Even my husband and daughter don’t define me. My job never defined me. My home doesn’t define me.

Jesus defines me. JESUS.

I’m grateful that in the midst of this chaos and confusion, the lostness I feel, there is a constant that will go with me wherever I go. So yes, I may be changing a lot of things and choosing what pretty mugs I need to take for my coffee, but at the core of who I am and what I’m doing right now, I’m still me, the person who God created. And that’s a pretty comforting thing right now.