Welcome to Me

Something Old, Something New

Do you remember when you were a kid and life was simple? Sometimes I wish it was still that way for me. As the years go by and you grow older, life gets more…

Messy. Chaotic. Confusing. Hard. Good. Exciting. Unpredictable.

These are all words I would use to describe the last 10 years of my life. I graduated from a Bible college in 2009 and shortly after got engaged to a man who I thought was the person I was supposed to be with. Notice the word “supposed.” Our relationship wasn’t perfect, and I guess when you take two people who are imperfect and have lots of unresolved issues and put them together, it becomes MESSY. We didn’t get married, and I embraced the single life.

I embraced the single life a little too much. I became one of those girls who worked her butt off so that she could party when she wasn’t working. I became that typical 22 and 23 year old girl who doesn’t seem to know who she is, but she tries to find her identity through drinking and hanging out with every guy who glances her way. My life became CHAOTIC.

I found out I was pregnant in January 2011. I was terrified, but I knew that it was time to grow up. I was 24 when I became a single mom. My daughter’s biological dad denied she could be his from the very beginning, so I was a true single mom with no other parent to raise her. It was such a CONFUSING time for me because I still wanted to have fun and still wanted to be that kid, but I was also someone’s mom.

The years have gone by since then and I still struggled with my identity. I wasn’t sure who I was or what my purpose was. I became lost and in 2013, I decided the world would be better off without me. I attempted suicide and found myself in counseling for a year and a half learning who I was and why I struggled with things. Life was incredibly HARD during that time.

Since 2013, I’ve managed to pick myself up, brush myself off, and slowly become the mom, person, and woman I was meant to be from the beginning. I embraced God’s plan for me. I got new jobs and continued to grow and appreciate the daily mundane life. I became healthy, and life became GOOD.

You never forget when your life takes you on a major roller coaster ride. You never forget when you meet someone who changes your life. I met Matt in 2018, and life has never been the same since. We spent hours messaging and talking, and I began to slowly let every wall I had up fall down. I was an independent woman who had begun to know that I did not need a man to fulfill me, but I began to feel something new that I had not felt before in my entire life. I fell in love with this amazing and incredible man who seemed so perfect for me and my daughter. It was EXCITING.

Fast forward to a few months ago. We got married, and it was awesome. I am so happy to be married, but one thing I’ve learned is that being an Army wife means your life takes a lot of twists and turns. It started in August or September when Matt told me his contract in Germany does not end until October 2021, not next year like we thought. “Okay, we’ll move to Germany” were my words. Next I heard “Don’t worry, the Army will pack your stuff.” I found out about a week ago “Okay, so the Army won’t pack your stuff.” UNPREDICTABLE.

Have you ever looked at a picture on someone’s wedding day of the “something old and something new?” It’s a beautiful picture, no matter what the something old is or how old it is, no matter how shiny the something new is. When you put something old with something new, it creates something beautiful. You appreciate the something new a little more when you look at the something old. That’s how I feel about my life. I wouldn’t be the person, woman, wife, mom, and Christian I am without my something old. God took my something old and led me to something new.

So here I sit, pouring out my life story because when you combine something old with something new, you get something….

Messy. Chaotic. Confusing. Hard. Good. Exciting. Unpredictable.

And sometimes we need to know we’re not the only ones.